I Gain More To Lose

 every year i only gain more to lose

and every time i gain another year i gain another reason to believe 

i could lose you

and i don't want to leave this life without being able to come home

because i want to come home to you 

you are my home

and i've found places to rent in every person i've spoken to

but you are my long term mortgage 

you are the reason i age

and i've aged 

to the point where i know when i get in my car

i'm driving towards somewheres closer to you

and i'm driving towards something i could lose

and i will lose

i will lose respect 

i will lose faith

i will lose love

daily and tragically 

and irreplaceablly 

and in your arms i will find myself again

i will find my place in this timeline of dates and ages

and hatred

and moving 

i'm moving towards something i don't even know if i want yet

and i'm sleeping my days away lost in this fog of thoughts

wanting it to be tomorrow already 

because i'm moving towards somewheres containing you

and you are my irrevocable solace of a home

wrapped in skin and blood and this life form we have taken on

to age into each other

and away from each other

and each year i am reminded when i look into the eyes

of this stranger containing pieces of my love and my soul and my will

to wake up 

that this is another thing

i could lose

and yet

i give you my heart knowingly.