Death Thoughts

 the same brain that has tried to kill me

has thought up 

the most beautiful images of you

and us

sometimes when you are offered 

the most tender of love

you realize just how ruined you are

you question your own feelings 

more than the others

because you know your heart 

feels the same lies 

it's always felt

and you can't recognize a lie 

from the truth anymore

your white flag of a tongue 

has produced so many stories

your head has dreamt up 

so many things

that you can't remember yourself anymore

your childhood was a fragment 

from a storyline concocted 

in a storm of fire 

and your body is bruised more 

from yourself 

than from this earth

i know the signs of deceit 

and yet i believe in love anyways 

i believe that my body 

will take me till the grave 

and yet i pray to death more 

than i pray to the one 

who will deliver it to me

you praise my body while i see it 

as only detritus 

settling into dirt

and i worry that my love is only temporary to everyone who is blessed with it 

but what is temporary 

when our lives are this short

when some hearts will beat more 

than three billion times before death

which lover will remember us most 

if we die first 

and which version of us 

will compose the story 

for our posterity's 

who am i, in the lies your brain tells you 

to help you fall asleep?

if i am gone before you,

please plant flowers on my grave

and when the seeds bloom 

you can pick them

hold me close again and 

remember me as you wish

and 

i will remember you 

as only my dying brain can.