Layers

 Last month I had the amazing opportunity to join a youth art internship created by ArtScapes in Newport, TN. I got to meet these two amazing poets named Courageous and Lane who make up the spoken poetry group called, I.N.K.

I have been wanting to get into slam poetry for awhile, but it's scary, it's not like the poetry I normally write where I can hide behind my pen and notebook, or the notes app on my phone. What I write, I know I will have to get up and speak. It's easier to look away when someone's reading my poetry but now I've gotta look someone directly in the face while I'm reading it myself.

Every Monday last month I got up in front of my internship class and read a poem. Courageous and Lane have been two of the most inspiring and encouraging people I've ever met. They've made the space in our classroom feel safe and welcoming, where we can each fully trauma dump and feel heard and understand by each other. 

I've watched many poets on YouTube perform, my favorites being Blythe Baird and Rudy Fransisco, but when I got to see Lane and Courageous perform one of their poems for us, when I say my jaw was dropped the whole time, I mean my jaw was dropped the whole time. It was quite literally the coolest thing I've ever seen. It made me think maybe I'm not wasting my time writing constantly, maybe this is actually something I can do, and be good at one day.

So I've been writing, and writing, and performing my poems to myself in my bedroom and bathroom mirror, and getting up in front of my internship class and speaking.

It reminds me a bit of being in therapy, I don't know why, but it's like I'm taking the truth of myself, I've always tried to hide, and fully putting it out there, and finally dealing with it. Finally feeling the feelings that I need to acknowledge. 

On April 19, at 6pm, at the Snowbird Mountain Coffee in Newport, TN, I will be performing along with my internship classmates some poems that we have written. 

That's scary to get up in front of people and speak your truth, but it is so, so worth it. I challenge each of you, whatever way it is that you find to be your true self, and to speak your truth, do it. Don't be embarrassed for how deeply you feel, just feel what you need to and let that make you into the strongest version of yourself.

If you live in the area and have an opportunity to come out and see our event, I highly recommend it and I would much appreciate it.

The poem I will be performing is called A Blank Canvas. Here are two small snippets from the poem,

"When you don’t know what to fill the canvas with

it can be tempting to just keep it empty

people often have to tell me

to speak up

to repeat that word again

they often don’t understand 

a thing i said

because i’m so scared 

to have my voice

take up too much space 

in the room 

it’s easier to hide 

behind whispers"

"My soul and body has been ripped open

and put on display

Daffodils and daisies now growing out of

the scars from where i 

carved myself out for you

as you left me like an open wound

to be infected by your words

But instead I have chosen

To know my worth

I find it so funny

and so beautiful

how poets can write about 

the saddest moments in their lives

and yet still make people smile

Like Shakespeare

Emily Dickinson

And Ocean Vuong

How do we find solace in these writers saddest declarations of 

heartbreak and loneliness"

Thank you to everyone that made the art/ poetry internship possible!