Before The Lights Just Go Out

 Sometimes it feels like your're a stranger

because I don't think 

I know you like I want to

and I don't think 

you know me like you should

I spend most nights wondering what's going to happen when I die

and scared that I've wasted all of these nights

praying that when I get to heaven

you'll follow behind

because what if I get to heaven and it's not even real

what if one day the lights just go out

and you're not around

what if I die before I tell you

everything that I've been thinking about

the nights spent crying over boys

that broke something they can't even afford

when one person

holds more fortune than he will ever even behold

because life went by too fast

with me promising myself that it's tomorrow 

and the day after

and the day after that

and every delusion in my brain

will emerge 

from the wreckage created in the process

of getting to you

but maybe that's just not true

because maybe two paths never became one

when the storms from my past

blocked the intersection in the road

and I became undone

I became someone you couldn't love

no matter how hard I try

or what seems right in my mind

we are like two immiscible liquids

we are two irreconcible subjects that won't quite mix

because no matter how hard I try

you must agree to disagree agreeabley

and it constitutes a wedding 

just not one made in heaven

which my brain still thinks of as a place

but my body knows I'm just dying

I just wish I could know you

before I do.