Reality

That feeling

of not wanting to be here anymore

because I’m so exhausted 

and keeping my eyes open is a chore

my body dysmorphia is telling me lies daily

lies about my thighs and my arms

letting me get no rest

but the nightmares don’t let me sleep anyways

having dreams of people who have

never even met me

and a life I’m no longer even living

but my nightmares paint my life better

than my reality

I’m so stuck in my mind I don’t 

even know what is my

present reality

wanting so many things

I can’t even see

a physical reality

I touch myself to try to see the pain

but my mirror can’t even show me my

reality.

So I live in the future

and I live in the past

because my present reality 

isn’t something that wants me.